Twas the Night Before Christmas – Underwriters’ Version

by Pat Alexander on December 19, 2012 · 1 comment

Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 A.M. 12/25) and all through the house (single family, joisted masonry, E.C. 3, territory 44, PC 5) Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse (through pride of ownership and excellent maintenance.) The (flame retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor installed) chimney with care In hopes that St.Nicholas would soon be there (in spite of dead-bolt locks and central station alarm system.

 

The children (ages 4,8,14 & 16) were all nestled snug in their beds (check  MVR on 16 year old)  While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads (must check for druguse.)  Mama in her kerchief (scheduled heirloom) and I in my cap (no slave to fashion) Had just settled down for a long winters nap (check employment – is insured sleeping all day?)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter (check into condition of premises, housekeeping etc),  I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash,  Threw back the curtains and tore open the sash (intentional destructive  act – no coverage. Also, as far as we know, insured only wearing a cap in front of uncovered window.)

What to my wondrous eyes should appear.

But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer (note to check if sleigh rated business use and corporate owned). With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick (order medical on 600 year old driver; notify life underwriter for possible rating). More rapid than eagles (check MVR for speeding violations) his coursers came,  And he whistled and shouted and called them by name (possible aggressive driver?):

Now Dasher (turbo equip?) now Dancer (classic?) now Prancer (check

lifestyle) now Vixen (definitely check lifestyle),  On Comet (possible muscle deer)  on Cupid (lifestyle again) on Donner(4×4) and Blitzen (possible drinking problem?)

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall (check for structural damage also look into height exposures), Now dash away, dash away, dash away all. (also old man climbing walls either  in great shape or overly medicated?) So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  With the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too (check for possible  retail delivery classification of autos).

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof.

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof (check for shingle damage also classification of operations, roofing is a prohibited class). As I drew in my head and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur (scheduled items) from his head to his foot And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot (part time job as firefighter??). A bundle of toys he had flung on his back (Check to see if insured has safety committee, check lifting training) And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes how they twinkled, His dimples how merry, His cheeks were like roses, His nose like cherry (order updated medical report, possible drinking abuse).

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth (note – do not give non-smoker discount) And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath (check batteries in smoke alarms to make sure operational). He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf (overweight for height) And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread (stranger enters past alarm and insured not worried?? Possible moral problem). He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk (review workplace for ergonomic compliance). And laying his finger aside of his nose (obscenegesture?)

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose (check operations, chimney sweeps are prohibited classification, look into GL PD deductible.)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle (not likely with fat man and sleigh full of toys. Check GVW for proper classification, Light/Service/Local seems unlikely). But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” (Check hours of operation, 24hr service operations prohibited. Also check into seasonal nature of business).

ORDER NEW LOSS CONTROL – DIARY FOR 07/01/02 TO DISCUSS WITH AGENT.

(I THINK THEY FORGOT ABOUT THE ANIMAL BITE EXCLUSION ON THE REINDEER.–MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A hurried UNDERWRITER!!)

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